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“What Your Doctor May Not Be Telling You About Caring For Your Baby”

I learned about this book after I had my first child and for some reason bought it but never got around to reading it.  I think I didn’t want to read it because he was already born and a couple months old when I got it and a lot of what she talks about concerns those first few months.  I started to read it and it felt like I was in trouble by my mother so I stopped.  I wanted to read it BEFORE my second child was born but that didn’t work out.  I finished it a couple weeks ago and I don’t think I’m too far behind the game this time.  Overall, this was a very informative book.  It’s full of information and it’s easy to go into information overload but if you have children or are thinking about children it’s a good book to read so that you can have a broader knowledge of what caring for children can mean for your life and your lifestyle.  A lot of people refer to this book as an Attachment Parenting Primer, and part of it is, but it’s also like a textbook.

Some of the major points covered in this book:

1. Attachment Parenting: The first section talks about the change in parenting styles over the years.  She tries to put a stop to the idea that “spoiling” a baby is possible.  For quiet some time now people have been concerned with not spoiling a baby with too much attention.  If you pick them up every time they cry you’re spoiling, if you rock them to sleep you’re spoiling them, if they fall asleep on you and you hold them you’re spoiling.  Personally, I kind of agree with that to some extent.  I always picked up my children when they cry and I don’t have a problem “spoiling” a baby but at some point you have to get them to transition on their own right?  I wear my newborn in a sling and she sleeps, I feed her on cue, I spend a lot of time in physical contact with her because she needs it, my son didn’t.  I plan to transition my daughter into becoming less attached to my being with her every second of every day.  To say overall there’s a right and a wrong way to do something seems a little short sighted.  The author sites numerous studies showing that unattached children can turn into degenerates and serial killers who can’t form lasting relationships and have miserable adult lives.  It felt like she was trying to scare the reader into believing her views which is easy to do with new parents because they are so afraid anyway of making a mistake of any kind.  I agree with attachment parenting to some degree (I will discuss more later) but it has to work for the whole family and it doesn’t have to be an all or nothing approach.  There are no time lines or guidelines for how long you should carry out some or the attachment parenting practices.  I found that completely not helpful.

2. Breastfeeding vs. Bottle feeding: When I was pregnant the first time, I never considered anything but breastfeeding.  It provides the best nutrition for my child and it’s free, not to mention you lose weight while doing it.  The first two factors were the most important to me.  The thought of buying formula, spending all that money on it when I could offer a superior form of nourishment seemed insane.  I know some people try and can’t so they have to turn to formula, but using formula because it’s more convenient? That doesn’t make sense to me.  Breast milk is always there, always ready, always the right temperature, and pretty much an endless supply.  I learned a lot about the long term benefits of breastfeeding from this book.  There’s a lot of good information in here if you’re on the fence about whether or not to do it.  If nothing else, read that section.  Try to ignore the somewhat snobbish attitude of the author and you’ll be fine.  People raise perfectly healthy, happy, well-adjusted children on formula.  I know, I’ve met some.

3. Co-sleeping: I’ve seen those nanny shows where people ask for help with their kids and there’s always a problem with bedtime.  I never wanted to be one of those parents who’s kids sleep in their bed or a parent that had to sleep in the bed with the child in order for them to go to sleep.  I didn’t want to have to stand over the crib and sing to the baby in order to get he/she to go to sleep.  Maybe that makes me lazy or a terrible mother I don’t know but it’s not for me.  My son takes a bath, gets dressed for bed, reads stories, and then gets in his bed and falls asleep on his own.  I don’t sit in there until he falls asleep, he doesn’t lay in my bed, I don’t rock him to sleep.  He’s a good independent sleeper which was important to me.  I’m trying to create the same thing in our daughter.  She’s not as good as he was, yet.  I made a serious effort to put my son down in his crib when he fell asleep.  I didn’t let him scream himself to sleep in the crib, but when he did fall asleep he laid down.  If he woke up, we started over again.  It was exhausting but he’s a great sleeper now.  I don’t like co-sleeping.  I don’t sleep as well with the baby in the bed with me, I feel like the children have invaded a part of my life that should be just for me and my husband.  I don’t mind all cuddling together in the morning, we do that.  But the third person in the bed all the time is taxing.  I don’t agree with this section at all but I see her “points” they just don’t work for my family.

4. Cow’s Milk: The sections on this were very interesting.  I am lactose sensitive or have a milk allergy.  I learned that real lactose intolerance is something a lot more serious than what I have.  We don’t drink cow’s milk in our house.  Since we buy a quart every two weeks for cooking, and use organic rice milk for everything else, we decided our son would just drink rice milk.  It has the same nutrients because it’s fortified, he gets vitamins C and D and we buy fortified orange juice containing both as well.  I’m not concerned about his nutrient intake.  I was concerned about his body reacting to a milk allergy.  It’s likely because I have one he would, and it’s painful.  His liver and kidneys can be spared the extra work involved with digesting and breaking down all the extra minerals in cow’s milk that people don’t need.  Not to mention all the other possible effects on his body and behavior that can come from milk allergies.  I was shocked at the information about the milk industry and the formula industry who push for cow’s milk and cow’s milk products.  It’s not that dissimilar to the tobacco industry but because it’s milk we don’t see it in the same light.  The bottom line is that milk and other food allergies can be the basis for problems that often go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed for a long time causing serious damage to the body and brain.  People were not meant to drink cow’s milk and cow’s were not meant to produce the amount of milk we consume, and the methods we use to continue the production are turning out to be harmful to us.

The author of this book is very passionate about what she writes because she had to find out this information on her own while dealing with a “problem” child (picky eater, poor sleeper, colicky baby, gassy baby etc).  Her opinions are very strong at some points but she does back up a lot of her arguments with facts from studies.  The studies come from all over the world because we are not the most forward thinking nation, when it comes to this area.  The amount of good information in this book outweighs the annoying snobbish attitude of the author who makes you feel guilty for not doing everything she says (or was that just me?).  When caring for our children the best we can do is be armed with information, and this book gives you a lot more to draw from if you have a “problem” child.

Baby Matters by Linda Folden Palmer